If and when I die

If and when I die
I want to see you cry
I want to see you tear your hair
Your howls of anguish fill the air
I want to see you beat your breast
And rent your clothes and all the rest
And, sobbing, fall upon my bed...
I want to know that I am dead.

I want to know I'm part of you
And that you cannot bear me being torn away
I want to see you dressed in black
With red-rimmed eyes
From sleepless nights of grieving
I want to hear you protest
At me leaving
I want to see you in each other's arms
And wailing
See you kick a chair and punch the wall
And see you, moaning, fall
Upon the ground and scream...
I want to know this isn't just a dream.

I want my death to be just like my life
I want the mess, the struggle, and the strife
I want to fight and see you fight for me
I want to hear your last regrets
The things you wish you'd done and said
- In fact I'd like that just before I'm dead -
Don't let them put you off
Or make you go, or say it's bad
For me, or makes it hard for me to leave...
It won't be true. I want to see you grieve.

Don't let me drown in silence
All pious and polite
Let's make a lot of noise!
A different kind of light
Will fill the room.
I want my death to wake you up
And clean you out
And as I end
I'll hear you shout...

But I will go.

(Sally Potter, Yes - screenplay)